


No comfort in responsibility

by keine_angst



Category: Peaky Blinders (TV)
Genre: Angst, At the same time, Heartwarming, M/M, Non-Graphic Smut, and heartbreaking???, caring Alfie, mess at its finest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-02
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:41:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23963284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keine_angst/pseuds/keine_angst
Summary: "Because I have to be responsible," he muttered, "and because love is not the most important thing."Tommy spends a night before his wedding at Alfie's, trying to figure out if he's doing the right thing.
Relationships: Tommy Shelby/Alfie Solomons
Comments: 14
Kudos: 53





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I was thinking about how their last conversation before Tommy's wedding must've flowed, so here's my take on it.  
> Also, a tiny canon divergence - Tommy and Grace are getting married before she gave birth to Charlie - I needed this as a context here.

Alfie loved a good night's sleep and he indulged himself with it as frequently as possible. And it was possible almost every night for the past three months, because he finally wasn't busy fucking Shelby, since this fucker decided he was going to get married and start a new, _brilliant_ chapter of his life, which didn't include his man.

Solomons was angry at first, he was, because who wouldn't be? He was doing everything for this blue-eyed angel for the past two years, just to hear one day that his lover - who betrayed him and left him heartbroken long time ago - came back to Birmingham, and he was planning on marrying her, and they were going to have a child. _A fucking child_. Alfie tried to imagine Tommy, his sweet little Tommy, shoving his dick into a female - his dick, that fitted just perfectly in _his_ hand as _he_ was fucking him. He just couldn't think of him sleeping in one bed with someone besides himself.

And it all happened so quickly - one night they were just casually fucking, like they always did during the weekends, everything was fine, and the next week Shelby arrived in London and invited him to his wedding, as if it was but a tea party, not a whole huge ceremony that was going to change his - and Alfie's - life forever.

His first reaction to this news was slamming the door closed at him. But Tommy started beating at it furiously, so he decided to let him in, and seconds later they were fucking in the hallway - which was a totally ordinary way to celebrate his engagement. Later, as they were laying in bed, Shelby got sentimental and started recalling some memories they shared - but referred to them in the past tense, as if he made peace with the fact that they belonged to the past. Alfie was very possesive that night, not letting him leave his lap even for a moment, constantly making him repeat that they won't stop meeting, even though younger man was about to get married and rearrange his entire life. And Tommy promised, reassured him he still loved him, and then after he had left his house in the morning, he never appeared there again.

At least Solomons had his invitation to the wedding. At first he didn't want to go there, but then he thought that might be the only chance to meet his lover in the nearest future, so he was waiting for this day to come.

And it was the next day, and he should probably get some sleep, because he was going to drive for a quite long time in the morning to make it on time to the ceremony, but he couldn't rest. His mind was occupied with the image of Tommy, as he saw him for the first time - broken, beaten and sick as he came to his distillery to start doing business with him. Not even a month later he became a frequent guest in his house, more specifically - in his bed. And they were so good together, Alfie almost believed that he finally found the one, someone who loved him unconditionally and eternally, but of course, it came crashing down sooner than he could expect.

He was left alone heartbroken, just as Tommy was, when they started meeting, heartbroken and devastated, his life lacking any purpose. But he had to to carry on, and he only wanted to do it for Shelby - because he knew he might one day need him, and he couldn't let him down.

And also, because suicide didn't really suit him.

***

So Alfie was sleeping, or at least trying to, as he heard loud banging at the front door. The clock had just struck midnight, it could've been only one person arriving this late and being this rude to interrupt his rest, even though he tried to persuade himself that it wasn't possible, as he was putting some clothes on and walking through the hallway to open up.

But it was Tommy, who had to be in a rush, all tired and messy, looking as good as he remembered - and who started kissing him, before the door even closed behind him. He grasped at his shirt desperately, not willing to let him go, and without any talking wrapped his legs around his waist. Alfie had to press him against the wall, grabbing him by his thighs, to make him calm down a little, because there was something almost violent in his behaviour - he could taste the bitterness of whisky from his lips, he surely had been drinking that evening.

"I was waiting for you for so long and you can't even say hello?" the Jew said ironically, because the words were unnecessary - they both understood why he was there, in his house, right now. His body language was just too transparent to miss.

"Hello, Alfie," Tommy said, and he could feel his hips already pushing him to the back, rubbing on his stomach, working him slowly through the material. _Fuck_ , he really was here to get what he wanted. "Would you care to fuck me?"

"First, I would like to know why it took you three damn months to decide to visit me," Solomons replied, and he could feel younger man's frustation - he was impatient, especially in moments like this.

"Christ, we'll talk later, now please, fuck me" he muttered, pressing his forehead to Alfie's. He was so beautiful and so horny at this moment that it would be a sin to refuse his demand. But Solomons lingered for a moment more, just to hear him demanding, begging almost, "please, just fuck me, I've been waiting for so long, don't torture me, just fuck me."

And so he did.

***

It was all messy at first, because they lost the knack after such a long time of separation - Alfie throwing him on the bed, almost ripping his clothes, Tommy asking him not to bother that much about preparation, because he wanted to _feel_ him at last, and then they ended up fucking shamelessly and loudly, forgetting about the entire world for a second. Just as he was feeling he was about to come, Alfie slowed things down, taking his time to make the most of this experience, of having his lover by his side at last, to look at his face and hear those moans filled with desire-

Later, Tommy was laying next to him, calming his breath down and staring at the ceiling. Solomons had to restrain himself not to kiss every inch of his skin, not to let himself get too personal about it - because he loved Shelby like this, worn out after a good sex, and he wanted him to stay this way for as long as possible.

"I love you," he whispered next to younger man's ear, but he didn't get a reply. "Hey, you're deaf or what? I said I love you."

"I love you too" Tommy said, but the tone of his voice was indicating he was somewhere else in his mind, which was a little insulting for Solomons, because he had just given him an orgasm, and he deserved to have his lover shattered to pieces after that, not drifting away. He pinched Shelby's nipple, to make him concentrate on the present moment.

"Was that all you wanted, yeah?" he asked, still patient for some reason, even though he felt he could explode any second. "Could you at least pretend that there was something more behind your visit than this one fuck?"

"We can fuck multiple times" Tommy responded, and that was just too much for Alfie to endure. He rolled to land on him, pinning him to the mattress, his wrists above his head, and looked him into eyes as he said, "You can talk to this whore of yours this way, but I won't let you treat me like that."

"Don't call my future wife a whore," Shelby said, panting under the weight of Solomons, who seemed to be two times bigger than him in this kind of situations.

"Oh, yeah, I forgot, you're the _whore_ in this relationship," the Jew pointed out, and was delighted by the blush of humiliation that appeared on Tommy's face. "Does she even know how much of a fun you had when she was gone? Does she realise you enjoy getting fucked and spanked and sucked _by a man_ in bed? As a good husband you should tell her all your dirty little secrets, I suppose."

"Shut up," Shelby said, and Alfie did, by kissing him. He was feeling helpless when Tommy was like this - disinterested, disconnected from his mind, and the only thing he could do about it was to try his best at keeping him engaged in something. He was returning the kiss, but it lacked its usual passion, and even though it was pleasant, Solomons just couldn't continue it.

"What's wrong?" he asked, as younger man pulled away, leaning back to the pillows. "I see you're tormenting yourself with something, why won't you just tell me what happened?"

Tommy sighed quietly and closed his eyes. Alfie moved closer, to embrace him tigthtly, as he started talking. "Nothing happened. I just have no clue what am I even doing with my life."

"You mean your wedding?", the Jew asked, placing a kiss just behind Shelby's ear. "This woman, don't you love her?"

Solomons asked the same question that night when he told him about the wedding, and he confirmed it right away. But now he hesitated with the answer so long, that when he finally spoke up, it didn't come across as a honest response.

"I do, but I don't know if I'm doing the right thing," he confessed, his lips almost touching Alfie's skin, that he could feel every word he was saying, "and I cannot sleep at night, because I think about it."

"Then why did you propose to her in the first place, if you weren't sure if it was going to work out?" that was the thing that was the most illogical to Solomons, because from the beginning he knew Tommy hesitated about his decision, which didn't really make sense - he pushed everything to happen so quickly, not giving himself the time to be able to change his mind, and now he found himself in this situation where he couldn't move backwards nor forwards.

"A man needs a wife, and I'm going to be a father, that is why," Shelby answered, and there was something painfully honest in his words that made Alfie shiver. He leaned to kiss younger man once again, and this time he finally succeeded - Tommy reciprocated, snuggling up his chest, letting himself go.

"You don't need a wife," Solomons whispered in between kisses, "you've been doing well without her. I was there for you this entire time. Why changing it?"

"The baby," Shelby said decisively, "I won't let it grow up without a father."

Alfie rolled to lay back, exhausted by this exchange - he could try to persuade his lover that getting married is not the only way to fix _the baby case_ , but Tommy was surprisingly old-fashioned when it came to this and thought that now he was obliged to spouse this woman and give her his entire life. He had a feeling, that one of the reasons he was so convinced to bring up this kid, was the fact that he hadn't had a good, caring father growing up - he probably felt he needed to be better than his own dad.

"At least acknowledge that your life is going to become a nightmare," he mumbled, trying not to sound too offensive, but, to be honest, he would like to give him a piece of mind without thinking about being nice, "because marriage is a serious thing and it's going to change you. And you still have some time to make up your mind, before it's too late."

"I already made up my mind, I'm going to marry her," Shelby repeated, wrapping his arms around Alfie's chest, and the disonance between his words and his actions was confusing. "I'm more worried about other things."

"For example?"

"For example _us_ " he said, and for some reason he sounded emotional at last, "I don't know what we are going to do after...."

"After you promise, having _God_ as your witness, that you will be faithful to your wife?" Solomons cut in, "fucking 'ell, since when you're worried about these kind of things?"

"Since I love _you_ more than I love her," Tommy responded quietly, and Alfie gasped, hearing those words. Of course he loved him, after all this time they've been together, but saying something like this the night before his wedding wasn't that adorable, but more devastating.

"If you love me more, then why do you feel the need to be with her? That's a fucking madness" he said, looking at Shelby, but he lowered his head, as always when he didn't want to show his real feelings and thoughts.

"Because I have to be responsible," he muttered, "and because love is not the most important thing."

Alfie wanted to hold this broken man in his arms for an entire eternity just to make sure he wouldn't collapse the second he would let him go.

"If not love, then what?" he asked.

"I don't know," was the answer, and Tommy looked like he was about to start crying.

Solomons was clueless what to do to make him feel better, so he tried hitting the serious tone. "Look, I wouldn't predict I was ever going to make such a statement in front of you, but here we are, right, in this not so lovely position, and I need to reassure you of something," he said, holding Shelby still, their faces only inches apart, looking into these dreamy blue eyes. "You know I love you, right, that's the fact. And you know I would do anything for you to give up this dumb idea of yours, because I don't want to share you with some woman, even if she's going to be the mother to your child. Moreover, you are aware that I could ruin this whole ceremony if I wanted to, but that's not something I'm aiming for. I won't be inducing you not to marry her, if that's what you want to do, but I would say this - if you have any doubts, you should at least reconsider this, because there will be no return after that, and you would hurt her even more if you married her and then left her, than if you called this wedding off now."

Tommy run his fingers through Alfie's hair and placed a tiny kiss in the corner of his mouth - he was doing it very often as they were talking in bed and it always caused Solomons melting a little. "It's not that easy," he sighed, "because it's not just about me. I need to think about her. About my family. About the future."

"Does your future include stopping by in London every week or so?" Alfie asked, even though he knew the answer, he just wanted to suffer even more, hearing it directly from these lovely pink lips, but the response surprised him.

"It includes you, in general, but I don't know how I'm going to pull this off," Tommy said, making himself more comfortable on his lap - he was always so vulnerable and insecure in bed, the exact opposite of how people perceived him. "I couldn't just let it die."

"Yeah, but you almost did, avoiding me for these past months, didn't you?" Alfie pointed out, which came across much more reproachfully than he intended. "What was that all about?" Shelby leaned his head to the back and wanted to reach out for a cigarette, but he stopped him. "Answer me first."

"You want me to declare that I will do everything to be here with you as frequently as I can? That's silly," Tommy said, putting his hands on Solomons' back to caress him, almost unwittingly, as he was often doing, not even realising it.

"You think our love is silly?" Alfie asked.

Shelby smiled sadly, his blue eyes gazing at him, painfully and blandly. "I think every love is a bit silly."

***

Then they fucked again, but this time they achieved something almost intimate - it felt like an act of love, not just their bodies and instincts overpowering them. Tommy was riding him slowly, deftly, knowing what he was doing and what he wanted to get out of this, stopping from time to time, to just feel it and get lost in the moment. He didn't even bother to touch himself, it wasn't necessary, since he was getting enough of a pleasure just from pushing his hips up and down - instead, they were holding hands, grasping at each other's palms desperately, as if losing this touch equaled their death. And maybe it did, in a sense, considering what was to happen in the morning.

As soon as he was finished, Tommy fell asleep on his lap, finally giving up and letting himself rest. It was almost four in the morning, which meant they had maybe two hours to get some sleep, before heading Birmingham to make it on time to the wedding. Solomons knew he ought to relax, but he couldn't - he was holding his man his arms, his man, who was about to become some woman's man, and Alfie knew that it was going to be the end of their _silly_ love - or at least the end of the greatest chapter of their story.

He wanted to spend his entire life with this man, he started opening up in front of him, committing himself to this, just for him to ruin it one day with this choice he made. Tommy was going to leave him, maybe not permanently, but he would rather not see him at all than have him in his bed from time to time - this way the scar was going to remain fresh and painful, for as long as he was going to wish to see him.

Alfie didn't sleep at all that night, trying to remember all those tiny details of Shelby's body - his smooth skin covered with freckles, his hair, his slim yet strong arms, his beautiful face - because he knew he was going to long for them. When the first rays of morning sun illuminated the bedroom, he was still embracing his sleeping lover, and felt miserable as he finally had to wake him up.

***

The ceremony began on time - somehow they made it to Birmingham, even though Tommy's car almost broke down in the middle of the road. Now Shelby was standing by the altar, holding his soon to be wife's hands, listening to her repeating priest's words of vow.

It felt unreal, like some kind of bad dream - Solomons was standing in the back, behind Shelby's family and closest friends, and tried to wrap his head around the fact that in a matter of minutes his lover was going to disappear from his life.

It was Tommy's turn now to make his vows. He looked at the crowd of guests, seemingly searching for some face, and his eyes found Alfie's. He was looking directly at him, articulating the words " _I do._ "

And then Solomons understood - he wasn't vowing to his wife. He was vowing to him, assuring him he wouldn't leave him, no matter what circumstances might occur.

And he had God as his witness.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know about this one, but I had to write it because otherwise I wouldn't sleep at night. Tiny canon divergence, just like in the previous chapter - Grace gave birth to Charlie between the wedding and her death.  
> 

When Alfie picked up the phone that evening, he couldn't believe his ears. It was Tommy who was calling, crying, devastated, and he barely could even understand him saying "Grace is dead."

From all the possible scenarios, this one seemed the most surreal. Solomons could imagine Tommy separating from his wife, or her moving away because she couldn't stand living with a husband like him. _God_ , he could even imagine Tommy getting killed, because he wasn't scared of death and many people wanted him dead. But her dying just a few months after their wedding - it wasn't something he could predict.

Under any other circumstances, he would be happy that Shelby had become single again and he would have more time to spend with him, but now - it was just bad. He never wished something like this would happen - yes, he was a heartless bastard most of the time, but not to the point of not having any human emotions at all. Especially when it was about Tommy, and he was crying his heart out over this telephone call, which made Alfie sick - he couldn't stand the thought about his loved one suffering. Without thinking too much, he anounced that he was going to meet him in Birmingham, and he was leaving right away.

It was the longest drive in his life, every second stretching to an hour, the whole car filled with his chaotic thoughts, as he was trying to figure out what to do. He would love to take Tommy to London with him, so as to he could forget about all this shit for a while, but it most certainly wasn't possible - he had his duties there in Birmingham, he couldn't just disappear and let the others deal with it. Solomons prayed that he wouldn't do anything stupid while he was on the way to reach him, because Shelby was acting unsane for the most part, and now he had a specific reason to be even more dangerous to himself.

As he arrived at Tommy's house, it was late at night already. He knocked at the door and waited for the longest time for him to open. His man, his poor, broken boy, was standing there, at the doorstep, barefoot, his clothes creased, his eyes tumid and red - and as he kissed him, he could feel his lips were chapped and dry from weeping, and shaking hands gripping at his-

And then he bursted to tears, and Alfie could just hold him, not to let him fall.

***

Alfie was the kind of a guy that sleeps naked, even when he's a guest in somebody's house. He just hated being wrapped in anything besides the sheets in bed, and Tommy couldn't really complain as he got undressed before laying down next to him, but he misinterpreted his intetions, as he soon found himself sitting on his lap, ready to do anything he wished.

"You can't be fucking serious," Solomons panted, as his lover started unbuttoning his shirt, "your wife died yesterday and you want _this_ right away? Stop it," he grabbed his hand and put it on his shoulder. "I'm not here for that."

"Then why?" Tommy asked, clasping his hands at Alfie's nape, "you made it here just to sit naked in my bed?"

"Yeah, you don't want me to? Shall I leave you alone with your thoughts?" he was angry, because he just wanted to comfort him a little, without any indecent subtext, but Shelby seemed to only think about his simple human needs - which, to be honest, wouldn't bother him at all, if it wasn't for this fucked up situation they were in.

"You wouldn't do it," Tommy said, and he was a bit _too_ fucking confident about that, which pissed Alfie off. He almost threw the younger man on the mattress and stood up to collect his clothes and put them on. It wasn't until then when Shelby realised he exaggerated.

"No, please, don't go," he begged, trying to make Solomons sit down, but he was too weak to make him move even a bit. "Fuck, I'm sorry, I didn't want to offend you."

"Yeah, you sure did not," Alfie mumbled, putting his shirt on, "but you're acting like a child. I don't want to deal with you when you're like this." He wasn't going anywhere, but he needed to mess with Tommy a little for him to compose himself.

"Christ, I'm sorry," Shelby said, his voice filled with remorse, "would you please come here and just _sit_ with me? I promise I will behave."

His suppleness was a pleasant surprise to Alfie, who was ready to fight him some more. "Fine," he replied, "but _I_ am to decide if you're undressing or not. Right?" Tommy nodded his head, "good. Then take your clothes off."

"Could you stop playing with me like that?" he asked, but undressed himself obediently. Solomons joined him in bed, completely naked again, and let him sit between his legs.

"Alright, _sweetie_ , listen," Alfie said after they had kissed again, "you know how much I enjoy doing it with you, right, but here's the thing - you have just called me, crying, to tell me that this woman of yours passed away, and I'm pretty fucking sure you think it's going to fix your problems, but it is not, so for now, we're just sitting here, acting like two human beings, right, mourning after somebody's death, like we should do. Understood?"

"Yes," Tommy answered, his face pressed to Alfie's neck, smelling his scent that he had been missing for too long. He desired him, more than ever, now that he didn't have to worry about his wife finding out her husband had an affair. He just wanted him to throw him on the sheets and fuck the sadness out of him - but in the long run, it didn't make much sense, just like Solomons pointed out.

"Good," Alfie said, laying back, dragging Tommy to rest on top of him. "I suppose you don't want to go into details and tell me what happened yesterday?" he asked, after they had placed themselves in a comfortable position.

"Not really," Shelby replied, his head on Alfie's chest, "but it was all my fault and I won't ever forgive myself. This bullet was meant for me."

"Don't say that," Solomons said, running his fingers through Tommy's hair with his one hand and caressing his cheek gently with the other, "it was nobody's fault. Life's not nice to anybody, it could've happen anytime, to her or to someone else."

"No," Shelby cut in, "it was my fault. She died because of a fucking war I commenced. I was the one who should've been gone, not her."

Alfie, out of nowhere, became frustrated - he didn't like this desperate tone that got into his lover's voice. "Stop acting like some fucking martyr," he said, grabbing Tommy's face in his hands, "that's pointless to blame yourself."

"And what isn't pointless now?" Shelby sighed, "I fucked this up and I am aware I did."

"Yeah, fine, then I should be sorry that I didn't blow off this entire ceremony, because she wouldn't be dead if you didn't marry her, right?" the Jew snarked, and this was enough to make Tommy lose it - his hands suddenly clenched into fists, but before he could even think of hitting Alfie, he was pressed to the mattress, face down, his arms wrenched at his back - Solomons had a hell of reflex."You've gone fucking _mad_ if you were trying to do what I think," he growled just above younger man's ear, "do I need to remind you who's stronger among the two of us? Do you really need me to refresh your memory? And you said you were going to behave."

"No," Shelby panted, feeling he was short of breath, "I will, I will, just get off me."

"I won't, until you learn some politeness," Alfie's voice was surprisingly poised, taking into consideration the whole situation.

"Please," Tommy felt he was about to faint if he wouldn't draw a breath soon, and as Solomons eventually let him, he gasped desperately, turning himself to lay on his back. He enjoyed this possesiveness that Alfie showed - he was the only man that could make him feel small and weak just by touching his skin or saying an appropriate word, and he was doing it effortlessly.

"Right," Solomons mumbled, as Tommy snuggled up trustingly to his chest, "better this way," he reached out to put his hands on his back and shoulders, petting him carefully. This brought back some memories about all those nights they had spent together - Shelby acted like this, cuddling with him like a little baby, when he was falling asleep after an orgasm. "From what I see, you're not concerned that much about all of this," he added, which wasn't the nicest this he could say to someone who was grieving, but he couldn't resist pointing it out.

"I am concerned," Tommy answered, and his voice got low and hoarse, "believe me or not, I loved her. Everything is going to be worse now. I settled down for the first time in my life, and now it's all broken."

"And what about your kid?" Solomons just now recalled this important factor of him getting married in the first place. "Is he home now?"

"No, Ada took him to her house for now," Shelby replied, and he sounded like he wasn't interested in this subject at all, "she has a son too, she can take good care of him, while I don't."

"Well, no wife, no kid, unless you want to take him home someday, and now what?" Alfie asked. He knew it wasn't the best idea to tackle on all of this now, as Tommy was still in a state of shock after the events of the night before, but he couldn't help himself. "You have some plans for your _future_?" he emphasized this last word, alluding to their conversation on the night before his wedding.

"Fuck off," Shelby mumbled, taking the hint, "I plan to clean up this mess. I have a son to take care of, and my family is here for me, I'm not left alone with this."

"You sure aren't, and that's why you called me and made me visit you, right?" Alfie was trying his best not to lose his temper and say something snarky, but the truth was, that even though he loved Tommy, he was getting on his nerves.

"I didn't even invite you, it was you who decided to come," Shelby pointed out, and while it was the truth, he wanted him to be here, and if he didn't say it himself, he would ask him to drive to Birmingham.

"You're impossible, _Thomas_ ," Solomons said, and he enjoyed the fact that his lover made a wry face, hearing him calling him by his full name. He couldn't remember the last time he had done this. "You really want me to go home or what? I don't understand what's wrong with you today."

"I don't know, maybe I'm fucking insane because my wife died, and I feel like I might get killed too anytime soon, and that's why I keep talking shit," Shelby slured, but his voice lacked any emotions, like he was talking about the weather, not death. "I'm sorry I'm like this."

"Fuck, get yourself together," Alfie mumbled, twisting himself to the side to face him, "If you're scared something might happen, you can always go to London with me, you'll be safe there."

" _Alfie_ ," Tommy stopped him, before he could say anything more, "I have a kid, family, I have everything here in Birmingham, I can't just leave it and go somewhere."

"Or maybe you just don't want to go?" Solomons asked, slowly becoming more and more angry, "because I get the impression you don't even love me anymore."

He didn't even think twice before articulating this sentence, but he regretted saying it as soon as he did. Tommy suddenly sit up, tearing lose from his embrancement, moving to the side of the bed. His eyes seemed to darkened by a few tones, and he was shaking like he was experiencing some kind of light seizure. He reached out for a cigarette and lit one, putting it in the corner of his lips, which seemingly made him calm down a little, but he still didn't look at Alfie nor even in his direction - he was somewhere else, running away from their conversation, running away from him, running away from himself.

Solomons sighed, realising what it meant. "I'll take it as a confirmation," he said. Tommy turned slowly, his face lacking any human expression. "Why you're so fucking selfish?", he asked, still staying out.

"Me? Selfish? _Fuck_ , mate, and it comes from someone who's essentially a definition of this word?", Alfie noticed he wasn't even mad at this broken man, more disappointed - he believed Shelby reconsidered his behaviour and figured out his feelings since their last meeting, but it seemed nothing had changed. "Do you rememeber the last time we've seen each other after your wedding? No? Neither do I, because we haven't met, not even once. You didn't bother to try to make it work. And now you want me to forget about that and just be here for you, and then get rid of me once again as soon as you get better, because you don't give a fuck about me anymore. You didn't need me this entire time, and you don't need me now."

"I never said that," Tommy responded quietly, finishing his cigarette and putting it out in the ashtray at the bedside table. He deliberated for a second what to do, and finally decided to come back to Alfie, who was waiting for him and grabbed him immediately by his wrists, pulling him closer, onto his lap again.

"No, but you _thought_ about it and that's enough," Solomons replied. He wasn't angry, just sad and tired - he hadn't been sleeping well recently.

"No," Shelby assured, but they both knew he was lying - he wasn't too good at it, especially when facing Alfie, who seemed to understand him more than himself. "It's just- after what happened, I don't know if I'd ever be able to feel something at all."

"The thing is," the Jew said, "that it doesn't really matter what you thought, because tonight you proved you cannot live without me, yet you still treat me like some kind of temporary lover that may walk out your door and never come back."

"Stop saying that," Tommy interrupted him, feeling weirdly exposed, as if everything Alfie said was the truth, even though it wasn't. "I never intended to erease you from my life. I was a married man after all, how was I supposed to be coming to London to see you?"

"You're not a married man now, yet you still don't want to see me," Solomons said, not sure why he was so gentle, but he didn't feel like screaming in this moment, "what do you want me to do to prove how much I care? Propose to you?"

"No," was the response, "I know you care."

Tommy kissed him, almost hungrily, like he was trying to sink all his negative and insecure emotions in this - letting himself go, for the first time that night. Alfie gripped his hips possesively, holding him close, trying to keep him by his side for a while, even if it was meant to be the last time they see each other - he was aware that it could end this way, yet it still hurt him.

"So what now?" Alfie enquired, as Tommy broke the kiss and leaned his forehead on his shoulder.

"We'll go to sleep now, and tomorrow we'll see," Shelby responded.

That didn't sound too promising, but at least it sparkled some hope.

***

Two weeks later, Alfie was going through his correnspondecy, as he pulled out a letter from the wad, signed by only two letters: **T.S.** He almost ripped the envelope open to read the short message:

_"Light a fire in your bedroom on Saturday, the weather is nasty this winter."_

Was it an announcement of his visit? Tommy of course had to mess with him a little in order to remain himself. Alfie smiled and lit a cigar.

.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it, another pointless fic that doesn't change anything haha  
> Let's assume they are happy  
> I want them to be happy

**Author's Note:**

> [my tumblr](https://keine-angst.tumblr.com)


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